I keep trying to find a life On my own, apart from You I am the king of excuses I've got one for every selfish thing I do
What's going on inside of me? I despise my own behavior This only serves to confirm my suspicions That I'm still a man in need of a Savior
I wanna be in the Light As You are in the Light I wanna shine like the stars in the heavens Oh, Lord be my Light and be my salvation Cause all I want is to be in the Light All I want is to be in the Light
The disease of self runs through my blood It's a cancer fatal to my soul Every attempt on my behalf has failed To bring this sickness under control
Tell me, what's going on inside of me? I despise my own behavior This only serves to confirm my suspicions That I'm still a man in need of a Savior
Honesty becomes me [There's nothing left to lose] The secrets that did run me [In Your presence are defused] Pride has no position [And riches have no worth] The fame that once did cover me [Has been sentenced to this Earth] Has been sentenced to this Earth
Tell me, what's going on inside of me? I despise my own behavior This only serves to confirm my suspicions That I'm still a man in need of a Savior
There's no other place that I want to be No other place that I can see A place to be that's just right Someday I'm gonna be in the Light You are in the Light That's where I need to be That's right where I need to be
I decided to go through my old stories once again: fiction and fanfiction. The last time I delivered something worthwhile was the final months of 2005. I was still addicted to Hunter x Hunter then, and my imagination would go wild with scenes and story plots that involved my favorite characters.
The blond one. Kurapica, the last remaining survivor of the so-called Kuruta clan whose eyes turn a dazzling, beautiful red whenever they experience strong emotions, the most powerful of them anger. His clan was destroyed for their eyes by a phantom group called the Genei Ryodan, known for their deadly and unparalleled skills, and Kurapica vowed to avenge is clan and kill every last member of the phantom group. In the process, the desire for revenge ate at him. He disguised his eyes with dark contact lenses, making his eyes seem so lifeless and dull--so even when anger racked him, his eyes won't give him away when they blare crimson, concealed by the lenses. He joined the Mafia, experienced his first kill battling Ubogin, a Genei Ryodan member fabled for his supernatural strength. He twisted his once innocent mind to paricpate in the hunt and kill. There was nothing but the tunnel of black that was revenge. He is a character that changed from a bright, snarky lad to a deep, disquiet and angry young man. In his quest to annahilate the Genei Ryodan and delve into the murky depths of the Underground and the Black Market to retreive the remaining eyes of his clan members, he lost his own soul. The anime and manga hasn't ended yet, so I am not certain if he has been redeemed, or if he finally got what he wanted.
The deformed one. Senritsu, known as a "Music Hunter" for her own quest of locating the rarest of musical peices on earth. She herself as vowed to search for the "Dark Sonata," a peice composed for four musical movements which was said to have been written by the devil himself. In an unfortunate circumstance, she listened to the movement of the flute and fell into its curse--physical disfigurement. Along with the transformation, she received an uncanny ability of hearing, and one of her specialities is to listen to a heartbeat for a person to know his emotions, and most of all, to know if he is lying or telling the truth. She happens to bump into Kurapica on the way, as she herself got hired as a Mafia boss' daughter's bodyguard, same as Kurapica. It was she who was the only one who understood Kurapica's pain, so she set aside her own quest for the "Dark Sonata" to aid Kurapica in his battles. Her calmness and prudence tempered Kurapica's impulsiveness. I have yet to know her fate, if she has finally ended her search for the sonata, and if she has finally been cured from her deformity. Alas, the manga's author has taken under hiatus.
It's been a while since I have thought about the fate of my two most favorite characters of the anime/manga series.
I went through fanfiction.net again to take a look at my old pieces of fanfiction. The first one that I have submitted--I couldn't even recognize! I thought to myself: did I really write this? I can barely understand the first paragraph. It was crazily poetic. This was me when I was a dreamer. It was all about telling an old story in a new way, so that mundane becomes art.
Writing used to be fun, and it has become a chore. A lot has to be done before I can reclaim that FLOW once more: the lalala nuninuninu scribble scribble clackity clack as I wrote and typed my stories the night away. I have old fanfiction to finish, original fiction to conceptualize and begin.
I have some ways to go, but my barren mind will be a garden once again.
The scale was set up as a logarithmic scale so that the number 2 was actually representative of x to the 2nd power indicating a much larger jump in power than might first be indicated by the numbers.
If you haven't said "huh" by the time you arrived at "jump in power," then you're probably not from Earth.
Ricky is one of my truest, staunchest friends. He was a character, a personality, a person of true charm and wit. He uplifts me--he was a brother and father. I will never forget his advice, and that voice full of reassurance and wisdom. Ricky will always be in my prayers and thoughts.
Rest in peace, sweet, happy soul. Till then. Regards to Professor Tolkien! ;)
Two nights ago, my mom and I were taking our nightly stroll around the vicinity of our "village." We were walking a block away from our home when I noticed something dark and glistening and moving on the ground. Cockroach! my mind screamed. I looked at that shadowy thing in disgust.
Just as we were walking by it, I had the chance to give it a closer inspection.
Turns out that it was the blossom of bougainvillea plant, rolling lightly in the wind.
I strolled on with some sense of peace, and with a strange, out-of-place sadness.
Little rainbow girl, blue balloon Above her head, sparrow on her Shoulder, running towards swings And slides. And on the seesaw Sits a little sunshine boy Waiting.
My heart is a small boat Your love is its sail. My heart is a small boat Your smile is the shore.
From Seabird by Bill Whelan
***
I'm typing this whilst singing "Happy Together" off-key. My cat is yowling in amusement at the background (Chunyi's singing in tenor again, also to the tune of "Happy Together").
Kidding. :P
It's been an indescribable year. I felt feelings I haven't felt before, and had sorrows and joys: the former kept as lessons, and the latter slowly being brought into the light. I've been a wicked, sad girl... but no more of that. :) I shall ooze forth with lurve and sunshine (refer to Resolutions 2007 wahahahaha). :P :P
Happy first Anniversary, my Beloved! May we have many many more happy years to come. :D
I love you very much. *^____^*
P.S. Again, I blame Mich. :P She's been perpetually playing "Happy Together" during the first few weeks of December and now it gets stuck in my head once in a while. To celebrate the pesky LSS, here's the video of the song, performed by The Turtles. :P
P.P.S. Today is also the birthday anniversary (hmm, redundant?) of Professor J.R.R. Tolkien. A toast to the Professor! :)
DECEMBER HAS BEEN FILLED WITH PARTIES AND FOOD. FOOD FOOD FOOD.
Of course, I gained some weight. @,@ It began with the Krispy Kremes (it's your fault, Beloved!!! :P :P :P), then a deluge of goodies from one gathering to another. My jeans were fitting me well already! Ack!! :o
December has been a happy one. :) It has been fruitful, productive and filled with hope (and FOOD!!!!!!). I received holiday greetings from long-lost friends, and even had a high school reunion, albeit a small (but very comfortable) one. I was also glad my Beloved was able to go. He rocks. :X
Anyhoo, here I am a tad envious of Rej and Oneal because they were able to go to Pasadena for the Rose parade. She's already written something about it in her blog. :)
2007 has finally dawned upon us. No, I will not be blabbering forth litanies about the obstacles, glories, etc etc about the year to come (though of course, we're wishing that it will be a better year for all of us); nevertheless, I will share my preliminary list of resolutions for the new year. I'm sure some blogs will be listing down resolutions as well, so I might as well jump into the bandwagon wehehehehehe.
Resolutions 2007
1. Be more productive and hardworking 2. Be nicer to the people whom I love and who love me 3. Be more compassionate with myself in order to be more compassionate with others 4. Patience, padawan! @,@ 5. Wear more colors (again, your fault, Beloved! *cackle*). 6. Eat meat. (Reading it is one thing. ACtually seeing me do it is another. Yay me. Again, your fault O Beloved!!!!! You kasi eh!!! Hehehehe) 7. Slim down. I wanna be hawt. I wanna glow. I wanna be the prettiest elf next Con!! Ah the vanity!!! (Rej, for once, you ARE contagious. Darn you WOMAN!!!! :P :P :P) 8. Be more chipper. And take others with me. (oh no!!!) 9. Will try my best to remain active in NWA (and Fandomcafe) despite not being able to attend weeknight meetings because of work far from the usual meeting places. 10. Just ooze with love and happiness as much as I can.
Half of these I already began in the latter part of December. It's maintaining all these that'll be tricky, but definitely not impossible! ~.^ I'll need lots of support and encouragement, and I thank those who have been and continue to give me such. :)
I'll be posting this away now. Wish me luck with endeavors listed above, and I wish you luck with yours. May we have a joyful and prosperous year ahead! So say we all! :D
My officemate, Mich, discovered this video in YouTube during one of our breaks at work. Bunnies is wuv. <3 The song is entitled "I Will Follow You Into The Dark" by Death Cab For Cutie. It's a sweet and sad song. Oh what the heck. Watch the video. :)
Brilliant and spiritual! You are a Mystic Theurge! Score! You have a prestige class. A prestige class can only be taken after you’ve fulfilled certain requirements. This may mean that you’re an exceptionally talented person, but it probably doesn't. The Mystic Theurge is a combination of a cleric and a mage. They can cast both arcane and divine spells, and are good at both, making them pretty terrifying on the battlefield. They have more raw spellpower than just about any other class. You're both intelligent and faithful, but not violent or deceitful. I guess that makes you a pretty good person.
My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
Behold, the videos of the first opening themes of some of the anime I grew up with (and for the sing-along experience, I included the links to the lyrics. Mwahahaha.) Anime, I like. ^______^
O hushed October morning mild, Thy leaves have ripened to the fall; Tomorrow's wind, if it be wild, Should waste them all. The crows above the forest call; Tomorrow they may form and go. O hushed October morning mild, Begin the hours of this day slow. Make the day seem to us less brief. Hearts not averse to being beguiled, Beguile us in the way you know. Release one leaf at break of day; At noon release another leaf; One from our trees, one far away.
Tink said that the shadow was in the big box. She meant the chest of drawers, and Peter jumped at the drawers, scattering their contents to the floor with both hands, as kings toss ha'pence to the crowd. In a moment he had recovered his shadow, and in his delight he forgot that he had shut Tinker Bell up in the drawer.
If he thought at all, but I don't believe he ever thought, it was that he and his shadow, when brought near each other, would join like drops of water, and when they did not he was appalled. He tried to stick it on with soap from the bathroom, but that also failed. A shudder passed through Peter, and he sat on the floor and cried.
His sobs woke Wendy, and she sat up in bed. She was not alarmed to see a stranger crying on the nursery floor; she was only pleasantly interested.
"Boy," she said courteously, "why are you crying?"
Peter could be exceeding polite also, having learned the grand manner at fairy ceremonies, and he rose and bowed to her beautifully. She was much pleased, and bowed beautifully to him from the bed.
"What's your name?" he asked.
"Wendy Moira Angela Darling," she replied with some satisfaction. "What is your name?"
"Peter Pan."
She was already sure that he must be Peter, but it did seem a comparatively short name.
"Is that all?"
"Yes," he said rather sharply. He felt for the first time that it was a shortish name.
"I'm so sorry," said Wendy Moira Angela.
"It doesn't matter," Peter gulped.
She asked where he lived.
"Second to the right," said Peter, "and then straight on till morning."
"What a funny address!"
Peter had a sinking. For the first time he felt that perhaps it was a funny address.
"No, it isn't," he said.
"I mean," Wendy said nicely, remembering that she was hostess, "is that what they put on the letters?"
He wished she had not mentioned letters.
"Don't get any letters," he said contemptuously.
"But your mother gets letters?"
"Don't have a mother," he said. Not only had he no mother, but he had not the slightest desire to have one. He thought them very over-rated persons. Wendy, however, felt at once that she was in the presence of a tragedy.
"O Peter, no wonder you were crying," she said, and got out of bed and ran to him.
"I wasn't crying about mothers," he said rather indignantly. "I was crying because I can't get my shadow to stick on. Besides, I wasn't crying."
"It has come off?"
"Yes."
Then Wendy saw the shadow on the floor, looking so draggled, and she was frightfully sorry for Peter. "How awful!" she said, but she could not help smiling when she saw that he had been trying to stick it on with soap. How exactly like a boy!
Fortunately she knew at once what to do. "It must be sewn on," she said, just a little patronisingly.
"What's sewn?" he asked.
"You're dreadfully ignorant."
"No, I'm not."
But she was exulting in his ignorance. "I shall sew it on for you, my little man," she said, though he was tall as herself, and she got out her housewife, and sewed the shadow on to Peter's foot.
"I daresay it will hurt a little," she warned him.
"Oh, I shan't cry," said Peter, who was already of the opinion that he had never cried in his life. And he clenched his teeth and did not cry, and soon his shadow was behaving properly, though still a little creased.
"Perhaps I should have ironed it," Wendy said thoughtfully, but Peter, boylike, was indifferent to appearances, and he was now jumping about in the wildest glee. Alas, he had already forgotten that he owed his bliss to Wendy. He thought he had attached the shadow himself. "How clever I am!" he crowed rapturously, "oh, the cleverness of me!"
It is humiliating to have to confess that this conceit of Peter was one of his most fascinating qualities. To put it with brutal frankness, there never was a cockier boy.
But for the moment Wendy was shocked. "You conceit," she exclaimed, with frightful sarcasm; "of course I did nothing!"
"You did a little," Peter said carelessly, and continued to dance.
"A little!" she replied with hauteur; "if I am no use I can at least withdraw," and she sprang in the most dignified way into bed and covered her face with the blankets.
To induce her to look up he pretended to be going away, and when this failed he sat on the end of the bed and tapped her gently with his foot. "Wendy," he said, "don't withdraw. I can't help crowing, Wendy, when I'm pleased with myself." Still she would not look up, though she was listening eagerly. "Wendy," he continued, in a voice that no woman has ever yet been able to resist, "Wendy, one girl is more use than twenty boys."
Now Wendy was every inch a woman, though there were not very many inches, and she peeped out of the bed-clothes.
It is quite inadvisable to post a journal entry during those times that happen once a month for 'em womyn out there. @,@ The influx of hormones which influences a grating rush of emotions drowns out all vestiges of reason and is detrimental to the mental and physical health of those around you. Even the very ghosts that unknowingly reside beside you will cower and take a vacation.
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loverly_rosies's journal
contemplative
still amused
dorky
saturnine
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